Unwilling to try; ADHD

I need to work/learn/progress beyond what I am doing right now but all I do is browse reddit and look at youtube vids all day. I quit my job 10 years ago, learned to code a little bit (my favorite language is ruby,) and have basically done fuck-all at making anything with my life. I have a general idea of a few games I would like to make in Unreal but I'm unwilling to even try to make my ideas a reality. I was diagnosis with ADHD in my late-teens but I don't know if I truly believe it. I just struggle with pushing myself to accomplish tasks. I don't know if it's laziness or just a fear of failure.

I hope I can get over this hurdle because I really need to show that I'm an independent and productive member of society. And, watching youtube isn't that.

Messing around in Unreal

I've been trying to come up a game idea and preferably something that's easy enough for me to make but nothings coming to mind.

Really haven't done much else worth noting. Just thought I might as well update the blog.

Finished Blueprints

Finally stopped slacking and finished my Unreal Blueprints course on Udemy.com. I took so many breaks but it's finally done.

Udemy Cert

Here's a few games from the course that I completed:

To Quit, use Alt+F4... Sry there's no Menu UI or any UI for that matter in most of the games.

Lack Thereof

I have a friend who's going through a divorce and he's looking for guidance on what's the best step forward. With myself having little to no life experience beyond sitting behind a computer for the past 20 years, I have little guidance to give.

My friend has already signed all the legal paperwork for the divorce but his soon to be ex-wife wants to wait til the end of the tax cycle to get a tax break. She makes about 60k more than my friend and she has completely locked him out financially in moving to an area closer to his son's school. So he's forced to drive his son 2 hours a day everyday when he has him. But hell, at least he gets child support out of the divorce.

Not really sure how that's going to matter in 6 month since my friend plans to move out the hell-hole known as Phoenix, Arizona and find a secluded space somewhere in the pacific northwest. Hope him all the best.

Keeping Me Honest

I was hoping by creating a blog it would keep me focused and on track but I keep brushing things off. I either goto reddit or browse youtube and spend endless hours on there. The Udemy class isn't even hard, it's just the tedium to keep going. The course wants me to build a second level for the project and I just can't be fazed to do the work. Plus, I want to add some of my own 3D models to the project but I won't even open up blender to create them.

I hope I find something that gives me the drive to push forward because being an unskilled worker sucks ass. I don't want to be that 70 year old and think back of what I could have been.

Udemy and Laziness

I'm about 70% my way through an Udemy class on Unreal but it's really starting to get a little difficult. I'm struggling to wrap my head around Pure and Impure functions...

Pure Functions

  • Color coded green
  • Used for calculations/returning data
  • No execution pins
  • Promise not to affect state
  • If marked "const", never affect state

Impure Functions

  • Color coded Blue
  • Execution pins
  • Can affect state

I know it seems easy in writing, even after writing it, it seems easier now to understand than before. I just need to remember that Pure functions are getter function or operators that return just the data

Start of my blog...

Just purchased a 2-year hosting subscription from Interserver. Not really sure what I'm going to do with this space. Maybe I'll fill it with random things I do throughout the day. I'll try to not be political; I'll leave that for twitter. Just things that might be happening in my life.


I'm in my mid-thirties and I'm currently unemployed. I had a lead on becoming a game tester but it fell through. I do hope to build a game of my own someday but I lack the necessary know-how in unreal.


  1. GitHub
  2. Youtube